I've loved my little girl from the moment I knew I was pregnant. Hell, probably even before then. How could I not? She's my creation and very much a part of me. I couldn't imagine feeling otherwise. How was I supposed to know that that love was just the tip of the love iceberg? I really had no idea how much more love I had in me until last Tuesday on January 15. You see, that was when I had my 4-D ultrasound where I got the chance to see little Piper in detail for the very first time. What a remarkable technology! The ability to see your child in the womb and see what they actually look like, it's just plain magical. As I lay there on the technician's table with the ultrasound wand moving across my belly, I fell in love with my daughter 100 times more than before. Seeing her little hands and cheeks and eyes and mouth and nose and everything else,...well it was just flat-out breathtaking! I cannot stop looking at her pictures and I've been thinking about her nonstop. I cannot even concentrate on my job! If this is how I feel now, can I even hope to survive the love explosion once she is actually in my arms?
This entry I'm dedicating to my precious Piper Amelia, not that each and every one of my entry's isn't directly related to her in some way. But this one is her showcase, her debut, her step into the spotlight. For this one is where she comes to life for you all, as a little girl and not just as a fuzzy black and white picture of a somewhat human looking entity. I hope you all enjoy her as much as I do.
Meet Piper Amelia
In this picture you can see her big, pouty, gorgeous lips. I wish the umbilical cord hadn't been in the way of her right eye, but we were lucky to get her to move her hands away from her face.
My Angel
She is very cozy and snuggly already
I'll get back to some more pictures towards the end, but for now I want to move into video clips of the actual ultrasound session. It was quite a long video at first, but I've broken it down into shorter segments for convenience. Above each one I'll include a little description of what you are about to see. Unfortunately there is no sound with the videos, although we were talking with the technician and she was explaining things to us the entire time. I'll do my best to convey the gist of what was going on during each video.
Our first look at Piper was of her covering her face with a completely open right hand. As a matter of fact, she was quite prone to covering her face with her hands. The Tech said seeing the open hand was a good sign for it ruled out Trisomoy 19, a form of Down Syndrome. It is always nice to hear good news. This video also shows off her chubby cheeks once her hand is out of the way. The tech says chubby cheeks on a newborn usually indicates they will be a good nurser.
This next video shows off her gorgeous profile. Isn't she a doll? Also you will see the black and white ultrasound images of the tech checking her spine. It is long and perfectly formed which also rules out spina bifida and/or other spinal abnormalities.
This next one is just another cute look at my precious girl. If I have my videos correct, the tech will run the white arrow along the umbilical cord which just casually floats around Piper in her little womb world. It was in a good position as to not make us have to worry about any dangers of her tangling up in it. Notice Piper's right hand curled up by her face. The tech said this is a choice she is making and will continue this outside the womb. In other words, I need to make sure she wears mittens to keep herself from scratching her face and I shouldn't ever try to swaddle that right arm as it will make her quite upset.
Okay, on to the heart. In this video the tech is maneuvering to get a look at all four chambers of the heart to make sure they are all functioning properly, are the right size, and the heart is in the correct location within the chest. Everything was perfect! She also checked her heart rate which was 152 bpm, which is also the rate it should be. In the last part of the video the tech checks on her stomach and kidneys to make sure they both contain fluids. The stomach is the black hole on the left of the screen and the kidneys are the two black holes on the right. Both had fluids which means Piper is swallowing and passing amniotic fluid without any problems. She could survive if born early, which is definitely a relief at this point just in case. Although I know no just in cases are necessary.
This fifth video once again shows how Piper loves to hide her pretty face with that right hand. I figure she wants a big debut when entering the world so is giving just enough to leave us wanting more. Also, more importantly, in the black and white segment the tech is checking her umbilical cord. We were delighted to find out that she does actually have two arteries in her cord. Our initial ultrasounds with the high risk doctor indicated she only had one and it was a bit of a concern even though she didn't show any signs of developing differently because of her unique cord. Well now we know that was all a mistake and her cord is completely normal. The tech points out the one vein and two arteries a few different times just to make sure. She also checks the umbilical cord attachment at the belly button to make sure it wasn't leaking. Everything looked spot on. The last portion of the clip shows her positioning of her left arm around her tushy. She enjoys curling up in a ball, which is completely by choice as she has plenty of room to move around at this point. Tech said she would probably be extra cuddly because of her choice to get into a wad. I'm all for extra cuddly!
In this next clip you finally get a pretty good look at her sweet little face. Her umbilical cord is floating around in front of her, but her hand is down for the time being. Don't mind all the bouncing around during the black and white portions from here on out, that's just the tech shaking my belly with the ultrasound wand trying to either get Piper to change positions or the umbilical cord to move out of the way. Don't worry, it doesn't hurt her! It is kind of funny to watch, however. The last part of this clip is oh so important as it once again proves that she is a girl! Yes, I held my breath during this part. I was terrified they'd find boy parts and then her whole nursery, which is totally not refundable due to the fact it's all hand crafted special pieces, would be a very expensive waste of girlyness. Luckily she only had her girly parts and I could breathe once more!
Only a few more clips to go. I know you want more, but it's all I have for now. This next one just once again shows her stubborn side with wanting to cover her pretty little face with her hands. It also shows the tech arrowing over her bald head. The tech said she probably has a little bit of fine hair on her scalp, but not a whole lot. In a lot of the still pics it looks like she has a ton of dark hair, but that is just shadows as you can tell from the video.
Clip number eight, this is a funny one. You have to keep your eyes open and watch closely, but after all the jiggling and trying to get her to put her arms down, she finally gives the camera the bird at about one minute in. Yep, she's just like her mother! After that she finally moves her hands down and out of the way. Once again she shows off her chubby cheeks, stunning pout, and down right gorgeousness!
And the final clip for the moment, here it is. This one is short but gives us all a pretty darn good look at her without too much in the way. I can't even begin to tell you how thrilled I am that she's so adorable already and that all her parts are normal and no abnormalities or growth issues were found. She is perfect in every way, and I couldn't be happier.
Here are a few of her other stats at the time of the ultrasound. She weighed about 3.2lbs and was measuring an entire week ahead as she has done from the beginning. The technician said even though her due date is not until April 10th, she would say April 3rd is more likely based on her size. By the way, she was 27 weeks and 6 days at the time of the ultrasound. If she continues to grow on her same track, she will most likely be between 8.5-9lbs if she hangs in there till her due date. In all, she is in the top 79th percentile for her size at this point. Another cool thing is the length of her legs. Here is where she shines! I ordered me a tall girl, and that is what I got. Her legs were extremely long and measured in the 98th percentile based on her femur measurements. Her daddy is 6'4" and all the women in his family are 5'10", so I imagine she will have some lovely, lengthy gams on her when she grows up. Because she was trying to hide her face with both her hands and feet at one point, you probably noticed her feet up in her face in a couple of the clips. That just goes to show how long her legs are at this point.
Okay, well I'll wrap this entry up with the rest of her ultrasound pics. They are all not perfect, but they all give some perspective into what she looks like. I hope you enjoy them as I cannot stop looking at them on a a daily basis.
And last but not least, I forgot I had uploaded a short clip of the ultrasound to Youtube. I cannot remember what all is on it, but believe it is from the last five minutes of the session. Anyway, I guess that means we all get to enjoy it at the same time!
Well, I think I have finally run out of video clips and pictures for the time being. I'm still in wonderment at the
technology now available to us mothers. It has been a joy to be able to share all of it with my family who all had their families way before any of this technology came around. The biggest joy, however, is just simply seeing my unborn daughter and her beautiful face, knowing that in less than three months I will finally be holding her in my arms. It's going to be difficult to wait that long, but it will be the best moment of my life when it finally happens.
Till next time, as always, feel free to follow Piper and I on a daily basis on Facebook. Also, please take a moment if you would and vote for us on Top Baby Blogs by clicking the banner below.
I am currently working on the tedious task of video editing. I had a 4-D/3-D ultrasound this past Tuesday and I'm trying to shorten the recorded session into shorter video clips. It's been a learning process as I had to find a way to convert the original video file into a new format, take the new format and find a decent video editing program, then learn how to use the editing program without previous training or urge to use the help button. Luckily I'm pretty good a fiddling around and coming up with solutions. However, now that I have everything I need to do what I want, it is taking a bit more time in the manipulation portion of the project. So instead of making everyone wait a few more days for another post, which is going to be a totally awesome one I promise, I decided to take a short detour and offer up a review of the body pillows I have used during my pregnancy. While I have never been a product reviewer, I figured I'd give it a whirl and see how it goes. So here we go, my uber fun body pillow review! Let's get going!
I wonder which way I'll go?
Most women who have ever been knocked up are probably pretty familiar with the myriad of body pillow designs out there in stores and in cyber land. But how can one possibly know which one to get when they obviously cannot be tested before purchasing? Hell, most of the ones I discovered on the internet were not even available to look at in local shops. I basically found deciding on a proper pregnancy pillow to be guess work backed by a hefty price tag, which can be very dangerous. While I cannot tell you about the pros and cons of all of the pillows out on the market today, I can give you an honest review for the two I have purchased and personally spent many intimate moments with. So here goes.
The Snoogle was the first body pillow I purchased, but before I get into the meat and potatoes of the review, a little background information on what I was looking for in a pillow.
I have a horrible problem with rolling over onto my back while sleeping. Now this is not so much a problem normally, but starting in the 2nd trimester of pregnancy it can become an issue. Once you start to gain all that baby belly, sleeping on the back can cause low blood pressure, can decrease circulation to your heart and your baby, and can also screw up your breathing and digestive system. Basically, this position causes your newly added weight to crush upon your intestines and major blood vessels such as the aorta and vena cava. In the simplest terms, you shouldn't do it. However, if you are like myself, you have absolutely no control of what you do in your sleep. I usually always fall asleep on my side and wake up on my back. This is most likely due to old dance injuries acting up when lying in certain positions for too long. Both my knees and hips have pretty good damage to them from my once being a career ballet dancer. At night, whilst sleeping, they both tend to get achy if I've been in one position for too long. Therefore my subconscious response to the pain is to roll over on my back to alleviate the pressure on my joints. Well this was all fine and dandy pre-pregnancy, but not now! So to make a long story short, I needed a body pillow that would prevent me from rolling onto my back, that's it. Of course comfort was also key, but the prevention of back sleeping was the number one must-have result. Okay, back to the Snoogle review.
I ran across the Snoogle initially at Babies "R" Us and liked the looks of it. However, it's price tag left something to be desired. $70? Seriosuly? After seeing the price I passed up buying the Snoogle on the first go around. I was only in my first trimester, so I still had time to shop around. About a month later I went maternity shopping at Destination Maternity, one of the very few maternity shops we have here locally. Low and behold they had the Snoogle and it was only around $55. Still not a great price, but doable considering I was quite anxious at this point to find a pillow. So I went ahead, bit the bullet, and bought it.
To be totally honest, I absolutely loved it! It had a great shape, was very supportive and comfortable, and it could be used it a ton of different positions.
Nice shape (fashionable cover sold separately)
So the pic above is it's basic shape. I should note here that the cute little cover you see on this one is not standard. It comes in plain white (at least that was all that was available here) and fashion covers, if you can find them, run extra. Yes the cover slips off for easy cleaning or redecorating, either way it's a nice bonus. As for the shape, don't let the simple shape fool you, this baby can do tricks!
So many options!
As you can see from this pic, the Snoogle can be twisted into quite a few awesome positions depending on how you need and want to use it. I found it excellent for reading at night, supporting both my back from behind and my book from the front. It also created a nice little nook in my reading position for my cats to snuggle in. Genius! In all reality, this position pic only shows the basics. There are many other positions you can twist this sucker into if you are creative.
This is a great one!
Overall, the Snoogle is a great body pillow. It is comfortable, adjustable, and easy to clean. But the big question of the day...can it keep a gal from rolling onto her back? The answer is yes and no.
Take notice of the standard sleeping positions.
Here is a pic of the standard Snoogle sleeping positions. While it is comfy in every position, once you've decided on a particular position, it is not an easy task to change your mind. You can roll your own body from side to side, but either it's going to be long portion behind your back or long portion supporting your belly. I found this to be an issue. For me, I really needed the back support so long portion behind the back was my preferred position. I mentioned previously that I ache in my joints when in one position for too long. This means I have to change which side I'm sleeping on several times a night to alleviate those pesky little cramps. Unfortunately, there was no good way to adjust the pillow to be behind my back every time I needed to roll over. The sucker is quite large and pretty heavy, so maneuvering it around while half asleep and under covers is just plain not going too happen! This inability to change it's position caused major issues as I would still roll over onto my other side, but that would then lead to me not having any back support and subsequently rolling on over to my back at some point. Basically, the pillow worked for me half the time, which is not enough to keep the panic factor down when I wake up and realize I've been once again sleeping on my back and possible cutting of circulation to my baby...ahhhhh!!!
Don't get me wrong, this is an awesome body pillow that I would highly recommend for pregnant women who don't have the same problem with the back sleeping that I do. And it is such a great pillow just for everyday use, too. My mom ended up buying herself one cause she liked mine so much. Hell, I gave mine to my dad once I decided I needed a different pillow. Now both my parents sleep in their bed with a Snoogle. How's that for comfort!
Yep, that's my dad and his Snoogle...and Sage the cat.
While it wasn't absolutely 100% perfect for my needs, I would still give it 8.5 out of 10 stars. I am basically deducting one point for not working for the back and half a point for price. Although, if you shop around a bit, there may be better pricing out there as long as shipping doesn't get in the way.
Almost perfect, bu not quite.
Okay, onto to the next pillow!
Upon determining that the Snoogle just wasn't cutting the mustard in regards to the back sleeping problem, I went on a search for another pillow that might work for my needs. This time I was bit more cautious regarding the shape of the pillow, for now I knew more of what I was looking for...something I could either adjust easily, or something that was equally supportive of my back regardless which side I chose to sleep on.
This was a tough search as once again there was no place locally that had any sort of decent body pillow inventory and it is very difficult to get a good idea of firmness and size via the internet, but what can you do, right? So I scoured the internet and finally, remarkably, came across a pillow that looked perfect!
This looks promising!
As you can see, this pillow has complete back support no matter which side you lay on. And look how big it is! Doesn't it look like a dream? One look at the Today's Mom pregnancy pillow and I had to have it! I initially found and purchased it from Drugstore.com, as they had free shipping which was excellent cause this thing is a monster. However, I just found it on Babyage.com which also has free shipping and $10 off your initial purchase if you sign up for their newsletter. If after reading this you decide you must have it, you will want that $10 off as it runs $79.99! Yep, this bad boy is quite pricey. That almost stopped me from purchasing it, but I decided my healthy baby and peace of mind was worth a little extra expenditure. So, once again I bit the bullet and bought the pillow.
When I received it and opened the package, this pillow was even larger than I expected. This could be an issue for some of you gals out there, especially if you have a bed mate who isn't covered in fur. I am single so the fact that it took up over half of the bed, which is a full size at this point, wasn't a problem for me. Sure my two cats had less space, but my comfort is just slightly more important right now. This particular pillow also comes in four different colors. I chose the baby blue as in the pic above, and I love the color. I find it quite soothing and much better than the plain white Snoogle I had. Then again, for the price, I guess I could have bought myself a fashion cover for the Snoogle. Anyway, it also comes in white, almond, and espresso just in case you were wondering. Besides the availability of various colors without an extra price tag for them, the cover on this pillow easily zips off for cleaning. Once again, this feature is very nice to have and a must for any body pillow as you will need to wash it once in awhile.
If you have one of these, you will need to clean!
Now we come down to the important part, comfort and ability to keep me off my back. On the comfort side, at first I was a bit disappointed as it was quite a bit softer than my Snoogle. I was so used to sleeping with it's firmness, that I almost didn't give the Today's Mom pillow a chance. The main issue was in the head rest area. It was a bit squishy for my tastes. So I simply unzipped it, threw in a lumbar throw pillow from the couch, zipped it back up, and BAM, I was back in business! I was very lucky to have an extra pillow the right shape and size to use in the head portion, but I don't think most people will think it's too squishy to begin with. Like I said, I was coming off the Snoogle which has a very firm head rest, which some people have actually complained about. It's really just a matter of taste in the end. The important thing to remember is that with this pillow, if it is a problem, it can be easily solved with a bit of ingenuity. I would recommend just a standard lumbar pillow if needed as they tend to be just the right size. You don't have to worry about what it looks like since it will be zipped inside the cover. Mostly you will just need to make sure it isn't too stiff and therefore swinging the problem in the other direction.
That's my kind of pillow!
After working out the initial head rest issue, the rest of the pillow was great. It was just the right amount of squishy for cuddling up. And it's shape? Oh the shape was delightful! The size and width of the side pillows were perfect for me. They allowed me to place the pillow under my belly and between my thighs and at the same time supported my entire back. If I rolled over, it was like rolling over into the exact same pillow on the other side, which completely took care of the problem I had with the Snoogle. And when I rolled over, it was never onto my back. The size of the side pillows made it virtually impossible to do so as they kind of hold you in a cozy pocket of sleeping heaven.
In the end, the Today's Mom pillow ended up solving my back sleeping problem. As time has moved along, it has also gotten more and more comfortable. The initial feeling of the pillow has changed quite a bit. The more I use it the more it seems to conform to my own body and needs. It also has helped eliminate most of the achy joint issues I previously had. There is something about the angles it keeps my knees and hips at, some unique type of support, that has reduced the number of times I feel the urge to roll over due to cramping. That is a blessing that was totally unexpected and much appreciated.
I will say one last thing about the Today's Mom pillow regarding it's size. It is VERY large! Since I use it under the blankets, at first I had to roll over the top of the pillow to get out of bed to pee during the night...and this happens more and more frequently now that I'm in my third trimester. Needless to say, that was a bitch and a half, but doable. Eventually, however, this problem lessened with use. Now I can simply flip the side pillow upwards, much like bending it at the "elbow," and simply get out of bed without having to roll across the top of it. So if you decide to get this pillow and the getting out of bed thing bothers you, trust me it will work itself out with time and use.
Overall, I would give the Today's Mom pillow 9.5 out of 10 stars. I was going to take off a whole star for price. However, even though it was pricier, because it solved my back sleeping problem and magically helped my achy joints it got an extra half star for surprise extra comfort.
Totally worth the money!
It may not have the ability to bend into a thousand different shapes, but that wasn't what I needed from it. My review is based on my needs, so others reviews may be completely different. Overall it was the perfect pillow for me.
I hope this review comes in handy for someone. No I am not getting any royalties from the makers of these pillows to say anything. I wish I was! In the end, it's just me killing time and offering up a hopefully useful tidbit while you wait on the next blog entry. I actually enjoyed doing this, though. I may just end up trying my hand at some more reviews as time goes on. I'm sure once I get this little girl out into the world there will be a thousand and one products that either impress me or piss me off. We'll all just have to wait and see if I bring reviews into my blogs. Definitely couldn't hurt to throw some variation into the mix!
Well that's it for now. Until next time...don't forget to vote for me on Top Baby Blogs and join me on Facebook!
By the time you finish reading all this, you'll understand why I've chosen the musical number this go-round as Elvis Presley's rendition of "My Way" by Frank Sinatra. I was going to go with old Blue Eyes himself, but it's Elvis's birthday, so he'll get the honor this time.
Long live the King!
Now back to your regularly scheduled blog...
I have recently decided to start looking into what all goes down during labor, as I have been hearing that one should not go into this blindly, and I am absolutely shocked by what I have found!
Apparently it's not just this anymore!
I have never worked in a fast food restaurant, but I've been to quite a few, and after looking at the eight-page birthing menu I recently got a hold of, I think I now know where the fast-food gurus got their ideas on how to torture hungry people!
I know you must be crazy with curiosity about what I could possibly mean by a birthing menu, right? Well... I've heard my mom's stories about childbirth back in the days when they didn't tell you anything about anything. She has also told me her mom's stories from WAY back in the day when they didn't even tell you to push. But nowadays? Well now there are so many options it is like glaring down a Jack-in-the-Box menu while not knowing exactly what you're hungry for!
There's even an extension? AHHHHH!!!
I mean seriously, who needs all those choices? It's overwhelming! And yes, this birthing menu is quite similar to the menu pictured above, I kid you not! Minus all the pictures, thank goodness!
I should be honest and state that "menu" is not the word typically used. The experts call it a "plan," but my non-expert self knows a menu when I see one. I'm a bit of a foodie, so I know all about menus, don't think that the change in a single word will fool me. I'm on to you, experts!
Anyways, for this entry I'm going to share with all you enthusiastic readers exactly what I'm talking about when referring to this birthing menu thingy. I have downloaded four different ones from various websites in order to compile the most complete "menu" available. I will be going over the finer points with you all so you can understand exactly why a new mother such as myself might feel a bit overwhelmed while going through the list of itemized choices. I suggest you get comfy and maybe pour yourself a drink, cause you're going to need it! And who knows, maybe this will help me clear my head. Maybe, by the time we reach the end, I will have made a few decisions about how I would like my delivery to go.
This is me at this point!
First off, let's start with all the crap you need to think about before you even get to the labor stage. See, it starts before you're even ready. Only two of the four birth plans I downloaded address pre-labor concerns. Basically, they want you to decide when and if you want to go into labor. Huh? Good question. Apparently you can decide to go varying routes from inducing early to waiting up to 14 days past your due date before inducing if labor hasn't occurred naturally by then. You can even request to have "no time restraints" on your pregnancy. Sure, what's another month right? Let's go ahead and see if you can go for a world record or something. My mom was induced with me after I was stubbornly 11 days late, but the doctor didn't ask her permission, he simply said it was time to get me out of my cozy nook and into the world. It was probably a good decision on his part because I'm already bad enough with the procrastination thing. Any longer and I might have been a completely useless human being from the get-go.
Maybe
Along with all this inducing talk, one of the menus discusses vaginal exams. Apparently you can tell your doc to stay the hell away from your hoo-hoo until your damn good and ready to be felt up...like after labor has kicked in. Now I may be confused, but the way it reads is that you can opt out of all prenatal vaginal probes and decide just to have one once labor begins, and then only when you say it's okay. I've gotten so used to the gynos sticking their fingers in there whenever they feel it is necessary that I never stopped to consider that I could say no. I thought that was the whole point of going to see the doc in the first place. But what do I know, this is my first time with all this baby making stuff.
Once you've decided on just how long you want to tote your tot around and just how many vaginal probes are necessary before someone buys you some flowers and chocolates, then you can finally relax and get down to the important stuff...actually giving birth.
First step, deciding on that whole induction thing. Whether it is scheduled or a necessary procedure, if you have to go there, you have to make some choices. Mainly, how you would like to be induced. The choices are quite varied and I'm shocked at how little I knew (before now) about inducing. I've heard of using Pitocin, that seems pretty standard from all the moms I have spoken with, but there are a world of other more natural means you can try first. You can go simple and just try walking, which seems odd unless you've been on bed rest and haven't tried walking recently. Or you may just want to go with some good ole herbs. Not the smoking kind, so get your head out of the bong already! Still not working? Then hop or waddle right over to your neighborhood chiropractor and have him give it a whirl (I'm assuming they know what they're doing here as it gives no details as to the procedure to be used whilst there). You can also try acupuncture, because needles accurately placed can usually cause some sort of reaction.
Sometimes you just need to know if they're paying attention!
None of these sound appetizing? Then maybe you're the kind of girl who needs other types of "stimulation." Into a little back door fun? How about an enema? I mean why not, you may want one anyway so you don't poop on the table during labor! No? Too much? Well then, how about good old fashioned intercourse while playing Tune in Tokyo?
Get it?
Yes ladies, sex and breast stimulation (mainly nipple action) can be just what you need! But be careful, wouldn't want to get that enema mixed up in there. Make sure you make it clear on your birth menu exactly which of these is kosher before arriving to the hospital, and that if you want both they are not to occur at the same time! I wonder what the doctors would say if I requested the intercourse option, me being single and all...hmmmm, might be worth a good chuckle to find out.
If all these wonderful natural remedies fail, you can then try having the doc break your water, strip or rupture your membranes, apply prostagladin gel (say that three times fast), or go with the old standby and dose up on Pitocin. In the end, I think I would just go with the Pitocin and make it easier on everybody involved!
So now you are finally in labor. WHEW! That took some work! Since you'll be in this state for awhile, how would you like to handle the whole labor process? There are lots of choices, so let's get going.
First off, before we even get to the atmospheric side of things, where do you want to pop the little one out? At home, in a birthing room, in a shower, in a tub, in a pool? How about on the top of a tall building, in a cab, at the local pizzeria, on a ferris wheel? It's all up to you, and my oh my how things have changed. Don't worry, some of those choices are not actually on the menu but I'm sure could be accommodated for if absolutely necessary.
This is the pimpest of the birthing tubs!
Now that you have the location, you'll need equipment. Balls, beds, bean bag chairs, pools, stools, bars (yes, that one sounds good. I'll have a martini!), cars, whips, chains, handcuffs, shake weight...wait, I'm off track again. Needless to say, laying down on a bed in the standard hospital room is so passe. It's the new millennium and creativity is key.
The pool looks way better than the stool!
Okay, so you've got the location and the tools needed, now on to the environmental aspect of the birth. This is where the choices really start to shine. I believe the old choices were in a shared room with another screaming soon-to-be mom and possibly strapped down to the bed. There were bright lights and people running around willy-nilly, yanking you around without much thought to whether or not you were comfortable or had a clue as to what standard birthing procedure even was at the time. Once again, things have changed. Giving birth may be the only time you can actually act like a stuck-up celebrity when it comes to your choices in the environmental factors department.
You want the lights dimmed down and soft music playing? You got it. You want for people to only whisper, or even better, not utter a sound the entire time? No problem. You can choose to wear your own clothes instead of one of those hospital-issued ugly gowns, or you can just go bare-ass naked if you like. You can watch TV, a movie or two, wear your iPod, or wear a head cam. You can have pictures taken, or have it all recorded in perpetuity on digitally remastered 3-D film (well maybe not 3-D, but filmed none the less). You can also request that you be allowed to eat and drink as you like, so bring on the lobster and Cristal! Want midgets to entertain you? I'm sure that can be handled, too. How about a bowl full of blue M&Ms with the shells removed? See, you can go all Hollywood if you really think about it and plan ahead!
Bring on the Lollipop Guild!
So here you are...your nipples have been stimulated, your beaver shaved (yes, they can do that too!), you're in a dimly lit birthing suite with dancing midgets, a bowl full of shell-removed M&Ms, squatting naked over your birthing stool listening to Vivaldi, wearing a head-cam, and eating bacon wrapped lobster while sipping on Cristal...now what?
Now you must decide on exactly how much pain you are willing to endure to get your wee one into the world. Sounds like a simple task doesn't it. HA! Not even going with no painkillers is as simple as it seems. Deciding whether you want drugs or not is just the first step.
If you choose to go all natural, then you have some options of other pain management techniques. Let's do this alphabetically just for shits and giggles. Acupressure, acupuncture (and you thought you were getting away from the needles), breathing (always a good idea), color therapy (WTF?), distraction (Look! Dancing midgets!), hypnotherapy (and afterwards every time the baby cries you cluck like a chicken!), massage (now we're talking), meditation (ohmmm), reflexology (there's a new one), visual imaging work (just imagine that your perineum isn't ripping in two and it'll all be okie-dokie), water therapy (supposedly baths and showers are uber helpful, who knew?). Okay, I left one out because I was saving it for last. There is this relatively new method of semi-natural pain relief called Transcutaneous Electrical Nerve Stimulation or TENS. It goes up there with those electronic ab workout devices for those who are too lazy to do sit-ups.
Is she about to do this on the living room floor?
If you say screw having all that pain and give me the drugs, then you have another list of methods available to you. You can go with the standard epidural or the new and improved, I-just-want-to-feel-a-little-pain walking epidural (I'm really considering this one as I'm scared to go natural but still want to experience the birth as much as possible). If you're more into just having a big ole shitty grin on your face the whole time, maybe you should try narcotics. Oh yes, they can hook you right up to an IV full of the best dope labor can buy. It may get your baby high, but at least you're not screaming like a banshee and trying to yank the nut sack off the closest male specimen in the room! Also listed on the menu are tranquilizers. I'm not sure exactly what kind, but it's listed separate from narcotics...wonder if you can get both?
Too soon?
Now that you're all relaxed (or doped the hell up) and ready to push your little one into the world, exactly what position would you like to be in to make the experience more enjoyable for yourself? You could just lie there if you like, but come on, live a little! How about doing this standing up? You may need a net for when the little one slips free, but it could be interesting. Or you could squat, this a tried and true position used for countless generations of women forced to give birth out in the wild. You can lie on your side, get on your hands and knees (no barking here no matter how high you are!), lean on a friend or partner, have people hold your legs in the air, do it with stirrups, or once again go for those stools, tubs, showers, bars (martini please!), chairs, etc. I think hanging upside down on one of those inversion tables might be fun and really give the docs a run for their money.
Real women do it while tackling a bear! (aka, the Sarah Palin method?)
Look at you go girl, you are finally in the home stretch, literally! Oh but wait, there's a slight complication. Apparently your asshole is really in the way. We're going to need to take care of that by way of conjoining it with your vagina...yep, it's episiotomy time! If you are squeamish, then you may want to look away for a second...
It's so God-awful I had to steal a photo!
Okay, that's the tamest photo I could find. I could post an actual photo of the procedure, but it might make some people ill. And believe it or not, you can choose to have this procedure done with absolutely no pain medication whatsoever! But don't rely on your dancing midgets to get you through it, because they all just ran screaming and retching from the room. Of course, you can choose not to have the episiotomy and just settle for tearing everything naturally. But all that isn't the worst. If you actually have to go from here to an emergency C-section, you can opt to have that sans pain medication, too. Yeah, some women must be completely off their rockers!
Okay, back to the pleasant thought of your baby almost being here. You're now in the last stages of pushing, do you want to push whenever the hell you feel the urge or do you need to be prompted? If you went for the higher dose on the pain meds, you may want someone playing the red light-green light game with you as you might not feel enough to know when you need to be pushing. Regardless of how and when you do the pushing, eventually the head is going to crown (unless you have to do a C-section). Once again, it's decision time. Do you want to watch it all go down in the mirror? (I'm probably going to go with this but skip the episiotomy watching if that occurs) You can also choose to touch the head as it crowns, yank the little sucker out yourself, or have your partner or other bloody-bath invitee strap on their mitt and catch the baby for themselves. Hopefully the little one will then slide right out and no forceps or vacuums will need to be brought in to help with the extraction!
Finally, there she is. Your little one is here at last. Just a few more decisions to make and you can hopefully relax. Do you want to suction the baby yourself or have your partner do it? Do you want to hold your baby before or after she is all cleaned up, suctioned, weighed, ointmented, eye dropped, etc? Do you want to breastfeed immediately? (I'm definitely going to breastfeed the moment after she is born before the clean-up, at least this much I'm sure of, as it solidifies the bond between mother and child). Speaking of holding the baby, there is actually an option to never hold them at all...yikes! I'm assuming this is for mothers that maybe are giving their baby up for adoption? Otherwise I can see no reason this would ever be considered as an option.
What about the umbilical cord? You can immediately cut it yourself or once again have a special someone do it and/or you can leave it in tact until it stops pulsating and then snip it.
Or snip it during the free fall?
You can then bank it or donate it if you so choose. I will be banking mine. And what about the placenta? Deliver spontaneously or induce it? Once again, your choice. You can also choose to see it or not before it gets discarded. To be completely honest, we're a bunch of Pagans and would like to keep the placenta so that we may bury it under a fruit tree in keeping with a long standing Pagan tradition. I'm not sure how modern medicine looks upon this, but I will be discussing it with my doctor. This may freak the doc out a bit, but surely no more than the hoard of dancing midgets.
At last the birthing process is complete and now you can relax and enjoy your little one. Oh geez, more questions? Seriously? Do you want to give the baby her first bath or let the nurses to handle it? Do you want her in the room with you at all times or in the nursery? Can she have a pacifier? Can she have a bottle? If she does not take to the breast right away would you prefer no bottle but instead try finger feeding? What the hell is finger feeding? Immunizations or no immunizations? Vitamin K or no Vitamin K? PKU testing or not? How long would you like to stay in the hospital? Do you want guests to visit? How many at a time? Is there anyone in particular who deems calling security if they show up? Would you like to fill out another questionnaire or two? Would you like to donate your first born to the hungry dingos in Australia?
And to finally wrap it all up....
Would you like some Percoset or other pain medication after delivery? YES!!!! And make it a double!!!
Better not make me ask this afterwards!
So you see, the entire birthing process is just not as simple as one would think. I would venture to say that it very well could be on the verge of getting out of hand! I had no idea that there would be so many questions to answer regarding the birth of my daughter. I guess if she was not my first I wouldn't see it as overwhelming. I know having all these choices is to make the birthing process more comfortable for all involved. I know it's all now geared toward focusing on the mother and child and no longer treating pregnancy as an illness, but really? Is a 8-page list of options really all that necessary? Is there a shorter form for us first-timers by chance?
My wants are quite simple...
I want to be in a private birthing suite where I'm allowed to have visitors. I want my mom present for all of it as she is my acting surrogate fahter. I want to hold off on drugs as long as I can and then move to a walking epidural. If that doesn't cut it and I freak out, then give me the standard one. Soft lighting would be nice and so would the ability to walk around as needed. I want lots of laughter because laughter is the best drug of all. I can handle anything as long as my sense of humor is maintained. As for the actual birth, I want to watch. I want an episiotomy with pain killers if necessary. And number one on my list, I DO NOT WANT A C-SECTION! No matter how long it takes, I want to have a vaginal birth. Unless it is an absolute, the baby or I are in dire straits situation, the option of a C-section is not on the table. I think too often doctors jump right into this option if the birth is taking too long for some reason. I don't care if it takes me two days, I want to have a regular birth. I want to breastfeed my baby as soon as she is born, we can clean her up later. I want her in the room with me at all times, preferably with as much contact as humanly possible. I want us to bond from the second she takes her first breath, anything less is not an option.
I want this immediately!
And I want to go home as soon as possible. Hospitals are not on my list of favorite places, so give me my painkillers and let me go on my way. And I'm taking the dancing midgets with me!
I don't know about the rest of you, but just reading about this whole birthing process is exhausting. The sad thing is, I didn't even go over every little thing on the menus. In all honesty, I left off quite a bit. It would have taken me days to discuss every point! Speaking of days, I think it's about time for me to call it one. Before I go, two quick thing...
1) Don't forget to follow Piper and I on Facebook
2) Vote for me on Top Baby Blogs if you get the notion!
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